Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Jade Harley/Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora♠Karkat Vantas
Characters: Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley, Eridan Ampora, Vriska Serket, John Egbert, Feferi Peixes, Homestuck Ensemble
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe – Fantasy, Swords & Sorcery, Political Drama, Physical Disability, Necromancy, Porn With Plot, Xeno, Sexual Humor, Cuckolding in the loosest sense of the term imaginable, Illustrated, Pheromones
Series: Part 2 of Catacombs
The love of your life is distant for reasons you can’t discern, you’re stuck in the middle of enemy territory, and the Condesce wants your head on a pike. Equip your sickles and ready your magic rings, because things are going to get batshit.
(Direct sequel to Cum mortuis in lingua mortua! If you did not read the previous fic, please, for the love of god, read the author’s notes.)
I had a LOT of fun on my weekend stream!
Thank you so much for the concept commissions! See you guys this weekend!
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Jade Harley/Karkat Vantas
Characters: Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Beta Trolls, Beta Kids, Alpha Trolls, Alpha Kids
Additional Tags: Swords & Sorcery, Action/Adventure, Explicit Sexual Content, Quadrant Confusion, Physical Disability, Alternate Universe – Fantasy, Slow Burn, Necromancy, Illustrated
Series: Part 1 of Catacombs
You picked up a curse by the river and now someone’s gotta deal with it. Grab your spellbooks and buckle your cuirasses, because things are going to get bumpy.
The true lesson of Homestuck is that if you want your alien OCs to become popular, provide one (1) suggestively bizarre detail about their reproductive biology and adamantly refuse to elaborate.
and the lord of the rings. tolkien invented whole languages and cultures and mythologies and histories, and the staggering enormity of the worldbuilding tolkein accomplished is only ever hinted at in the actual corpus of the lord of the rings, but he never wrote down the elf words for cock and balls
Amusingly, that’s only half right. While Tolkien never wrote down the elvish words for “testicles”, he did come up with elvish words for “penis”. The terms appear only in his early lexicons and are not repeated later, so they’re not guaranteed to be compatible with the versions of elvish that actually made it into the books, but the words do exist.
It’d be puntl in Quenya and gwib in proto-Sindarin, incidentally.
elves don’t have testicles
This actually brings up an interesting point. Humans only have testicles because our body temperature is too hot to allow sperm to live inside the body. So if elves have a lower body temperature, which it is slightly suggested as they don’t feel the cold the way men do, it’s entirely possible that elves, in fact, do not have testicles, cause they don’t need them.
Hey, we’re back on topic.
okay but how does this relate to human-elf hybrid children? were elrond and elros’ balls both underdeveloped and close to their bodies until elrond chose to live as an elf and elros as a man, at which point elros’ sack grew three times its size and elrond’s balls instantly shrunk and retracted completely into his body, because that’s obviously how the valar use their godly powers? or did any changes in balls apply only to their offspring?
followup, do numenorians have very small balls that are held close to their body? do their male offspring’s balls remain small unless they marry outside the numenorian bloodline, in which case they move back towards a more average size and distance from the body with each generation?
finally, does this mean that aragorn ii elessar, son of arathorn, heir of isuldor, chief of the dunadan and lord of gondor has distinctly smaller than average balls
I think it’s pretty reasonable to assume elves would have external testes, since there is a pretty narrow range of operating temperatures mammals work at. However, in primates at least, the size of the testes relative to body size is linked directly with female promiscuity, where more monogamous species have smaller testes, while more promiscuous species have larger testes. Since according to LaCE, elves are hypermonogamous to an absurd Fantasy-Catholic degree and have a low reproductive rate, it follows that they would have notably smaller testes than humans (who are in the middle of the monogamy/promiscuity spectrum).
Hybridization works in strange ways, but given that Tolkien’s half-elves seemed to subscribe to elven cultural mores and reproductive pressures, I would posit a small-to-middling scrote size for Peredhel, with an increasing trend as the Numenoreans become increasingly less elvish.
political discourse is OUT fictional alien biology discourse is IN
this post was a mistake I didn’t need to know this much abt homestuck dicks I just wanted to know why andalites have chins