Tag: fic


I thought I had posted my helmsman/hyperspace headcanon which I have used in The Exigencies of the Service and Engine Song, but I can’t find it so maybe I didn’t. Anyway, here it is, with the caveat that it’s kinda cribbed from Cherryh’s Alliance-Union-Compact ‘verse.

  • Helmsmen are not actually capable of propelling a starship faster than the speed of light using only their minds. That would be silly.
  • Hyperdrive works like this: when you are sufficiently out of a gravity well, you activate your hyperdrive vanes (external antenna things, honestly kind of vulnerable which is why they’re retractable) and go into a subuniverse where distances are shorter so you can effectively cross a certain distance faster than light could.
  • Within this subuniverse, due to the wonky geometries, sensors don’t work effectively so you can’t do navigation except via dead reckoning. This means that nearly every species known simply points their ship at a known star position and hits “go” and unless your navigator is particularly incompetent you’ll hit that star’s gravity well.
  • You re-emerge into normal space as soon as you hit a star’s gravity well (well outside the star’s actual atmosphere, thankfully). There are also non-star masses in deep space where smugglers like to use for meetings. Black holes are also viable targets, but are rather dangerous neighborhoods to hang out in.
  • You re-emerge into space going very fast (though not above 0.1c, and therefore not meaningfully relativistic). A very convenient method of braking is simply to activate your hyperspace vanes again; you’ll go into hyperspace, get thrown out immediately, and bleed off velocity as you do. Repeat as necessary until your crew is vomiting all over your control panels or you have decelerated to a safe speed.
  • Since humans and other non-troll species can’t change speed or course in hyperspace, lest they get lost, it’s very easy to tell where they’ll come out based on their vector when they went in.
  • The thing helmsmen do for trolls is they can use their psionics and the brain-ship interface to sense their surroundings and manipulate the vane settings. This lets them change course safely, as well as get better performance out of their hyperdrive.
  • Since the entire ship is at the mercy of the helmsman during flight, it is wise to ensure you can trust the troll you wire into your starship. Traditionally, HIC’s navy accomplished this via brainwashing and torture, but other methods are possible.
  • Even troll sensory psionics are limited by lightspeed, so in normal space, radar and lidar are supplemented with “longscan”, which is basically systematized hunches about what ships are doing. Helmsmen typically also make excellent longscan enhancers.

Anyway, that’s what I came up with, because I like kitbashing interesting starship operation procedures. I hope this is useful to something.


Dear Jadebloods: Do you think jadeblood life was more interesting before all the adults got kicked off planet? At least then you could probably live in towns near the caverns or visit them or cities sometimes. Any records from pre-summoner days?



Oncetold: Some!
Oncetold: And it looks like non-perfect jades at least did have more opportunities for… extra-Caverns social activity.
Oncetold: Perfect jades were already expected to be more… cloistered.
Oncetold: Which is odd given they’re all sun-tolerant, but what can I say.

Oncetold: …Come to think of it, maybe it was BECAUSE they’re sun-tolerant and people wanted them not to be in the sun – because that’s how you get latent rainbow drinkers.
Oncetold: Especially if they tried to pull in novices even younger then, which there’s some evidence of…
Oncetold: I think I may be on to something here.

Blind Man’s Bluff – arjache – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Terezi Pyrope
Characters: Rose Lalonde, Terezi Pyrope
Additional Tags: Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Series: Part 2 of Pale Gleaming Scales

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you have just been dealt the worst Scrabble hand in the history of paradox space. Your opponent is staring at you from across the board and waiting for your next move. What do you do?

You decide to attempt the rare and highly dangerous MOBIUS DOUBLE REACHAROUND BLUFF.

Blind Man’s Bluff – arjache – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]













Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

you know fantasy dragon soulbonding fic i want more of that where the humans are the dragons, like, we’re huge, we’re old, we’re scrappy as hell, and if you are small and cute enough we would be delighted to carry you around on our back 

holy shit that’f b amazing. 

also imagine an alien being like


But imagine aliens that only form social bonds under very specific circumstances having to deal with humans though:

Like, they will bond with a group, and if they move they just bond with a new group while still talking to their old group.  They will bond with other species. They encourage their children to practice bonding with inanimate objects.  They can have more than one mate in their lifetime.  Sometimes they have more than one mate simultaneously.    Once they bond with you they’ll start trying to bring other humans they are bonded with to bond with you.

If you stand around them long enough they’ll probably just wander over and try to pat you, this is how they bond with other species.  You may have accidentally bonded with a human without knowing it.

Seriously they will bond with anything.



“Help the human in our party bonded with a grafknap and now they want to bring it with us”

“I don’t see what the problem is.”

“We’ve already got like five of them, and then there’s the orlaps and vanghus.”

“krrrk sor krrkr going thr krrk -bula spike krrk”

“Companion Mar, how do you sustain these high levels of interpersonal relation?”
“Uh… hanging out, I guess.”
“Hanging out of what, exactly?”
“Sorry, that’s a human phrase used to describe spending leisure time in the general proximity of others for entertainment.”
“But we are very far from your past companions, and yet you have continued to express interpersonal relation to them, in spite of the lack of proximity.”
“Oh, well, I comm them now and then.”
“Interesting. So you posit that physical proximity and verbal communication are key to this relational anomaly?”
“I mean that’s part of it.”
“… great Glarbnack, you’re doing it right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, come on, Kursp, we’ve been friends for ages, you know that!”
“No! Stop! I can’t believe you would – oh, Glarb, what’s the word? – vefriendle me without even asking me first!”
“Befriend. The word is befriend, Kursp.”
“Ugh, humans! Well I know I can’t stop you but at least try not to emote all over the place.”
“Sure thing, buddy.”
[Enraged squeaking]






Ok but what happens when humans are brought aboard an alien spacecraft to travel to the far side of the galaxy, and the ship stops to refuel on Planet Kro’Chenpotyl 6, and there are warnings all over the place to PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THE SPACE STATION and the humans are just like “why?” and the aliens are all “Captain Steve, have you never encountered a Horgler before?” “no, whats a horgler?” “They are very dangerous, Captain. Please do not leave the space station as they roam freely and we do not wish to communicate with your superiors anything about injuries to you or your crew.”

and then two hours later Captain Steve has a giant Horgler in tow and everyone else is just “!!!!!!!!” and Steve is just “yeah, this is my new pet. his name is Fluffy.”

it keeps getting better

“Friend Mark, so this is farewell…”

“Krrsht, will you stop being overdramatic? We’re, like, two miles from the ship, I can carry you easy.” 

“What…? How… No, I mean… why would you… I am dying!”

“Dude, you have a broken leg, it’s not exactly a game over.”

“….what? Of course it is! I can’t move…!”

“Come on, get on my back, I’m taking you to the infirmary, they’ll put you in a cast for a month and you’ll be fine as rain!″  

“I don’t understand… wait, let go, unhand me!”

“Jesus, I can’t believe that your species colonised deep space with this kind of attitude.”

Drone Season Reveals


I wrote I need a boy like you like a hole in my head for @tanglelore .   Tanglelore requested a black romance between Porrim and Kurloz with extra-alien genitals.

I had a great time writing it.

He leaned forward, bracketing her between his arms, full threat. Fuck him. She leaned into him and stared up into his eyes. “Mind fucks not enough, going physical? Not impressed, acolyte. ”

Slime. – CoralFlower – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Erisolsprite/Karkat Vantas
Characters: Karkat Vantas, Erisolsprite
Additional Tags: slime tail, Smut, Oral Sex

You sidle up next to him and nudge him with your elbow, and he flinches five feet into the air. Your eyebrows shoot up. He gently floats back down, dropping himself haphazardly to languish across your shoulders– but somehow more carefully than he’s done in the past. His tail always feels strange, gives you goosebumps when it touches you.
“What’s up?” He shrugs, draped out sideways and halfway upside down.
“Nothin’.” You push his glasses up on his nose because they were slipping down, then just take them off his face completely (you notice the lenses are dirty) to clean them on your shirt. He grumbles, but you know he likes it when you do this kind of thing for him. You wouldn’t put it past him, actually, to leave his glasses dirty on purpose, just to have a reason to grumble at you for something.

Slime. – CoralFlower – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]

On the Keeping of Spermatophagos Species in Captivity – Laylah – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Homestuck
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Kankri Vantas
Additional Tags: Nookworms, Alien Sex Toys, Oviposition, Body Horror

Spermatophagos ssp., whose notable species include S. minor, cataphractus, and vulgaris, are a group of limbless* invertebrates that parasitize trolls, burrowing into the genital opening and feeding on seminal fluid. Despite the obvious biological risk of hosting such a parasite, most species of this genus have been domesticated and are readily available for sale under the crude but evocative term “nookworm.”

On the Keeping of Spermatophagos Species in Captivity – Laylah – Homestuck [Archive of Our Own]